I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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