It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
