Porn is love you can see.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
