I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
