he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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