Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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