So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
