I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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