i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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