Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
