Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
