I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
