I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
