My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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