If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
