no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
