Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Damn victory sex feels great
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
