so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
