just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
