At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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