Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
