Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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