FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
