My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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