Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I am morally bankrupt
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
