Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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