the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
