I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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