I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
