I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
