There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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