shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I need to stop coming to work sober
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
