it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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