There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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