Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
