just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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