dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
