I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
