so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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