booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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