Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
