I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
