You smell like stripper and shame
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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