the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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