We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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