Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
