So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
