i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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