Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
