Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
