first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
