dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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