Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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