70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
